Dreams of the demented souls

Life can sometimes take very funny and weird turns.

I had just finished my level 3 German classes. (European reference level B1). The subsidy on my German training ended.  My three month stay in the city should have officially ended.. However, I wanted to stay a little longer in Pune to avoid the terrible Goan monsoon. I called a few friends, pulled a few strings and got a part time job with a small web site as content writer.  

My job was to write a newsletter for a small steel company. The newsletter would be centered around pretty general themes like ‘quick exercises at your desk’, ‘tips for peace of mind’ ‘work-life balance’ etc.  They liked my writing but we had differences of principles.  They had a ridiculous complain. “Your English is too good.” The company’s chief editor told me. “Our audience is Indian workers and managers. You write like western authors.” 

The  Americans on Twitter must have influenced me a little deeper than I actually believe.

“What is the need for such thorough research and high grade content?” my 29 year old boss questioned. “you are not writing reports for top management! Simplify. Take it lightly. Just do one thing.” He told me as if he was telling me an important trade secret. “Try to not care about your work! Just let it go, lift your pen and let words fly!”

The writings and discussions of my online friends are built around one core value- content is king.  This company however seemed to operate on the principle ‘done is better than perfect.’ 

They suggested I give a catch line to describe what the newsletter is about. I gave the slogan ‘content and contentment’. “That’s too complicated.” They said. “Our readers will not understand what is ‘contentment.’”  I was baffled.  However, the explanation they gave seemed pretty neat. 

The workers do not have much time to read newsletters sprawling with heavy English words. The simpler and smaller it is, the better. Secondly, many of them, even though they are graduates, do monotonous physical work.  Hence their capacity to take in a little intelligent content is diminished. Our job was just to give them some respite from work, not to bombard them with great quality content.

I assured them I will try to simplify my English. The company owner was a fan of my writing. Despite my hyper awesome performance, that guy just refused to let me go. 

Monsoon in Goa was by now over. Still, I remained in Pune and  I had some money now!

 I enrolled for the next level of German.-Why? I didn't actually know. I guess I had settled into the routine of German classes. I had been kind of programmed to enroll for the next level like a gamer.

Going ahead with German was the wisest decision I ever made That is how I met ‘the demented souls.’

If you have read Harry Potter, you must be familiar with dementors who suck soul out of living bodies, leaving the people alive but soulless. They remind me of people who have life but no purpose.

There was one such guy in my new German class. He loved to dance in the rain. He knew a lot about medicinal trees and the snail was his favorite animal. He spent considerable time watching Animal Planet and Net Geo channel.  HOWEVER, he had graduated with computer engineering!  Yes, he had chosen the wrong field. Yes, we sometimes cannot decide where life takes us, but that not my point. I was stunned by his answer when I asked him why had he opted to study computers if he loved plants and animals..

“I don’t know.”

“What do you mean you don’t know? You must have had some calculations when you opted for the course?”

“I don’t remember what was going through my head at that moment. I think I just followed my friends. I guess I managed to pass the course because of consistent efforts.”

“I guess you must be knowing a lot more about plant of wild plants than manufacturing plants then!” I tried to encourage him.

“Well, I just watch Net Geo and stuff. I never really considered serious reading about plants and snails.”

Wow. He didn't know WHY he chose the wrong field, he didn't know how he managed to graduate, and he didn't even know whether he could be serious about his own field of interest! What then is the purpose of his life? “I am still searching” he answered with a shy smile. That is the diplomatically correct term for ‘I don’t know.’

This engineer works in a company, earns ₹40k but is bored with his job.

The second demented soul was a girl who preferred languages to engineering. She had failed in engineering at the first attempt and was now trying the same for the second time.  Why? “Parents.” She was planning to make a career as a German translator after graduation. “Are you sure your parents will allow you to do that?” “I don’t know.”

Level 4 German classes ended somewhere at the end of November.  The day my classes ended, I received an offer letter from the little website to join as a regular employee. I actually wanted to go home after level 3. I had been writing a book about life in Goa and it was left unfinished when I came to Pune. However, thrilled by money and the allure of Pune city, I accepted the offer.  It was only a small book. It could be completed anytime.

“Its good that you got a job.” Said my cousin sister one day. “the lease of our flat expires next month. I don’t think I am going to renew it.” Her wedding date had been fixed. She wouldn’t need a rented house to stay in Pune anymore.  If I did not act fast, I would be living on the streets. So, I went to the landlord and made a lease agreement in my name.

Level 4 German classes had ended by then. At the farewell party, I met a third lost soul. She was a 20 year old writer who studied commerce and hated it.  Again, why did she study commerce? “parents.”  “For heaven’s sake, cant you make your own choices?” I was appalled. “Its not that easy.” She replied as if she was my grandmother. “What are you going to do after you finish studies?”  I tried to change the topic. “I don’t know.” If she remained undecided for too long, she was bound to end up as an accountant in some firm.

 “Why do you study German?” she asked me.

I had originally come to study German to become a German teacher. However, after a terrible performance at a German teacher’s seminar, I had concluded that I was not the man for the job. Even when my training subsidy had ended, I had stayed on for the next level.  “I guess German classes have become a sort of a habit.” “so you don’t exactly know” she said.  “Yeah, I guess I don’t.”

“Oh, then what’s the difference between you and me? We both don’t know why we’re doing what we do!”

She was right. It was an eye opener. While I was busy criticizing these lost people, I was unwittingly going the same way.

My dream project was languished in limbo. I was instead burning night oil writing cheap blog posts about health and fitness. I had come to Pune for three months.  A year had passed, and I was still there. What was I doing? Where was I going?  I didn’t know!

That night, I reopened my dream book. It lay unfinished for the last two years. that night, I booked the tickets and took that one step towards the calm and loving shores of home. Thanks to the demented souls, I remembered where I wanted to go, what I wanted to be.  Otherwise I would have ended up just like them.

A part of my heart

Is filled with passion

And dreams and hopes

And imagination

Pandas and snowflakes

And mountains that chill

The illusion of sands

In deserts that thrill

Rivers and seas

And wind and rain

The rocks and the swampy

Rice fields on the plain

A part of my heart

Wants to go out and dance

Seize the day

 Take the chance

….but all that remains in one part of my heart

The rest of it is filled

With confusion, chaos

And painful memories

Of dreams still not fulfilled

 ....................................