Confessions of a media man

There are many unemployed people who have trouble telling everyone that they do not have a job.  My problem starts when I tell people what I do.
I work in the mass media.  
When you tell people that, your predicament is worse than an unemployed person.  “Oh, so you must be knowing the ministers and all!” people say to you with beaming faces. You smile and give an ambiguous Indian nod. The fact that you hardly leave your desk at the office is best kept to yourself. Someone needs to tell these people that not everyone in the media is a reporter.
Sometimes when circumstances force you to reveal that you work as a sub-editor and thus get to decide which events to cover for the news, you become the proverbial goose that gives golden eggs. In your case, fame is the golden egg that everyone is after. Those loving relatives and friends become pirates seeking the treasures of popularity. Everyone suddenly has some talent or another that needs exposure.
“My mother is 92 years old.” A 60 year-old distant relative said to me once. “ she was a gifted swimmer and used to swim in a nine yard (Nau-wari) saree back in the 1920s! You should interview such great achievers!”
You can handle such old relatives with a bold assurance because you know that the 92 year old woman might not be around for long and her 60-year old daughter also has serious hypertension and heart problems. You can count on God to save you from this one.
Distant relatives are not a problem as you know you almost never meet them, but how do you handle your neighbour requesting toy to cover the Vat-Savitri Pooja in the neighbourhood. You give them the smile and the fake nod. That neighbour is not going to talk or show acquaintance to you anymore –and forget the delicious south-Indian food that she used to pass you.
Friends bring a whole new set of problems. One concert ticket gifted to a friend many months ago has made you a legend among your friends. For them, you are practically a magician who can pull out passes to top parties in Goa like pulling a rabbit out of a hat.   When you tell them that the event has been sold out, “eh, nothing is impossible for you man, you must be having some connections no?” is what you get to hear. Once again, do not reveal the fact that you hardly leave the desk.
There is another bunch of people who feast upon a poor media man like vultures upon a dead corpse. I call them ‘gossip guys’ -people who are interested in the latest piece of political gossip. These people view you like a jackpot of gossip. The extra intelligent among this lot come up with their own conspiracy theories and seek your approval as if you are the omnipotent, omniscient almighty. “I am sure they are building this new infrastructure just to misappropriate funds. Do you know of any shady deals?” they ask you.  You confess being totally unaware of such things. “These cunning media people know everything. They are hand in glove with the politicians. You also must have got a piece of the dough not to expose the issue.” The guy now sees you as a villain in his own conspiracy theory and throws another blunt question “how much did you get?”


“You must be knowing.” This phrase haunts you wherever you go. Political scandals, population and trade statistics, bollywood gossip, the reason behind the most mysterious murders, people think you know everything.  You have some contacts and some secret deals for paid news in every government department. You are a genie who can get the chief minister to be the chief guest for the launching of your friend’s book about how to breed dogs.


I do not deny that people in the media can sometime work wonders (not saying I can) but they are perceived to be a lot more powerful than they actually are and expectations end up taking a toll on their public relations.


Frankly speaking, have now decided to list some harmless professions to avoid all the harassment.
1. volunteer for the Greenpeace. (no one really takes interest in the green movement. I can breath.)
2. Novelist (careful, or you may end up in my novel. The threat works every time.)
3, Sales manager (everyone stays away from salespeople. I have 15-day experience as a sales executive)

..............................................

Published in Navhind TImes  Buzz dated June 18, 2014. The issue can be accessed here 

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